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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29758137">Firsts</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/shynightshade05/pseuds/shynightshade05'>shynightshade05</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Women's Soccer RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>2009 ftw, F/F, Fluff and Possible smut, Kinda slowburn but not really, PREATH - Freeform, thanks kelley</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 23:29:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>18,072</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29758137</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/shynightshade05/pseuds/shynightshade05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Firsts shared between Tobin Heath and Christen Press.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Tobin Heath/Christen Press</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>255</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. First Meeting</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>The first time Christen and Tobin meet<br/>is thanks to none other than Kelley O’Hara.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first time the two officially meet is at the 2009 NCAA women's soccer championship game between Stanford and UNC. Of course the two girls knew of eachother. The soccer circle was small and mutual friends, or friend in this case, made that circle even smaller. </p><p>Kelley never had any issues talking one girl up to the other and vice versa. So when Stanford beat UCLA it was only natural that Kelley was estatic for her two best friends to finally meet. </p><p>When December 9th rolls around neither Tobin nor Christen are paying a single thought to how their friend wants them to meet later. They're much more concerned with the game that's only a few hours away. The game that Tobin considers to be the most important of her college career. It's her last hurrah and she has no intentions of losing to a team like Stanford.</p><p>Christen on the other hand just wants to get that trophy and begin a new era for Stanford. Sure she was already breaking records, but a college cup trophy could never be considered a bad thing. Records could be beaten, but a win could never be fully erased from history. Not even if they get creamed next year.</p><p>As soon as the two teams arrive to the field they're off to their respective locker rooms. The normal lighthearted trash talk is instead replaced by a tense silence. </p><p>Warm ups fly by and soon enough it's Stanford's kickoff. As soon as the ball is touched the game is in full swing. </p><p>The first and only goal comes within three minutes and Tobin can't help but laugh a little at her best friend's frustration. If the situation was reversed and Kelley was laughing at her a fight would almost be guaranteed, but fortunately the situation is not reversed for the rest of the 90 minutes. </p><p>Despite her competitive nature Tobin doesn't find herself at all happy when number 23's goal is disallowed because of offsides. In any other circumstance Tobin would be bouncing with happiness, but all she can think about is the look of pure defeat that's written all over the girl's tanned face. Over her soccer career she's worn that look plenty of times, and she knows how gut wrenching it feels to screw up when it matters most. </p><p>Somehow Tobin just knows that 23 must feel like she just let her whole team down. Tobin also somehow knows that she needs to do something about it. </p><p>It was only when they were shaking hands and someone addressed the girl as Chris that it dawned on Tobin that 23 was Kelley's friend.</p><p>Christen's gaze hadn't left the ground until she felt a careful hand on her shoulder and gentle handshake. She looked up and her bright green eyes were met with what could only be described as the gentlest shade of dark chocolate eyes. </p><p>Her breath caught in her throat for only a moment before she was shaking hands with the next person in line. </p><p>Little did Christen know the same thing happened to a certain brown eyed girl. </p><p>Once all the formalities were done Christen found herself being reminded of the promise she'd made to meet Kelley's national team teammate. No matter the situation Christen is never one to back out of a promise. </p><p>The two shower and change in no particular rush; Kelley promising Tobin is extremely chill and won't care how long they take. </p><p>A large part of Christen is tempted to ask if Kelley knows the mystery girl from earlier. She elects not to upon realizing the only thing she remembers about her is the shade of brown that had taken all of her attention. She silently curses herself for not having the brains to at least check the girl's jersey number. </p><p>Kelley's phone ringing pulls her out of her momentary self criticism. Once the call ends Kelley announces that Tobin is in the lobby waiting. </p><p>The whole elevator ride Kelley is practically vibrating with excitement. She rambles on and on about how great Tobin is and how much Christen will love her. When they hit the ground floor the green eyed girl can't help but joke that Kelley sounds like a school girl with a crush. Kelley quickly corrects her and says it's nothing like that and Tobin is simply too cool not to rave over. </p><p>What Christen first notices about Tobin is her extremely laid back style. Though she can only see the back of her it's clear Tobin hadn’t put much effort into her appearance. Normally this would be a huge turn off for Christen, but as soon as Tobin turned towards them all her thoughts were drowned out by a different one.</p><p>It's her</p><p>A bright smile played across Tobin's face as she saw Christen. Contrary to herself it was evident that the girl had put a bit of effort into how she looked tonight. Not that she needed to; at least she didn't need to in Tobin's opinion. </p><p>When Christen gave a small smile in return Tobin felt her stomach churn in an unfamiliar way. The unfamiliar sensation went ignored and Tobin hugs Kelley and officially introduces herself to Christen. She's even brave enough to slip in a joke about being Kelley's superior now that UNC has beaten Stanford. If anyone else had said it Christen knows she would've exploded with anger, but instead she found herself genuinely laughing at the comment. </p><p>On the way to the resteraunt the conversation is mainly dictated by Kelley. Neither of them really mind it. Not because it's awkward but simply because they're too busy thinking about eachother to put much effort into a conversation at the moment. </p><p>Things change at the resteraunt and suddenly Tobin and Christen are talking like they've known eachother forever. Their freckled friend couldn't be happier and she even excuses herself to go get them some drinks so they could have some solo bonding time.</p><p>It's then that Tobin decides now would be a good time to tell Christen how amazing of a player Tobin thinks she is. </p><p>“You played extremely well today you know.” The older girls voice remains cool and casual. </p><p>Christen can’t help but let out a laugh, “Yeah? Well I still let all of Stanford down.” The tone used is playful but Tobin sees straight through it.</p><p>“No really Christen. I’m not all that great at reading people normally so I might be way off, but if you feel like you’re the sole reason you guys lost today you’re crazy. Don’t you dare tell Kelley this but you’re the best player on all of Stanford’s team. There’s something about the way you play that’s just magical.”</p><p>The other girls cheeks begin to flush and Tobin continues on.</p><p>“You are the main reason Stanford even played UNC today. The game today made Stanford history and you did that. Even if you guys didn’t win you still beat every other damn team when UNC certainly didn’t. Just let this make you hungrier for that trophy and come out and show it next year. If you allow yourself to play to your full potential every game you’ll be unstoppable.” </p><p>Pinkness coats Christen’s whole face by the time Tobin’s speech is done. </p><p>“T-thank you Tobin. From a player like you that really means a lot. That’s actually exactly what I needed to hear I think.”</p><p>Tobin is warmly smiling at her and it’s almost enough to make her brave enough to ask if Tobin felt anything at all during their handshake. Something about the way she’s being looked at makes Christen feel like she’s floating on cloud nine.</p><p>Instead the moment passes and Kelley triumphantly returns with their drinks. </p><p>After that the conversation from earlier is dropped and the silly banter begins again.</p><p>When their checks come none of them are ready for the night to end so Tobin suggests they rent a car for the night and just drive around. She even volunteers to drive since the others are a little too tipsy to be behind the wheel.</p><p>Her idea is met with no backlash and they Uber their way to the nearest car rental. Selecting the car doesn’t take long since as soon as Tobin sees the light blue Jeep Wrangler her heart is set. The price is evenly split between the three and they drive off with music already blaring from the speakers.</p><p>Christen tries to convince herself that she called shotgun because the backseat was lonely, but really she just wanted to watch the normally incredibly calm older girl let loose.</p><p>Let loose isn’t the right term she silently decides; Tobin always seems to be loose. Maybe instead watch her be free.</p><p>As the drive goes on Tobin does become free. Hair whipping around from the cool night air blowing in through the window, one hand holding her phone near her mouth as a microphone as the other remains on the wheel, screaming the lyrics to each song, eyes full of life, and Christen doesn’t think she’s ever seen something so majestic. </p><p>The end of the night begins when Tobin’s roommate sends her a text to tell her she’s going to bed and to not stay out too late. Kelley and Christen both wish Tobin wasn’t sober enough to actually take the advice.</p><p>Tobin parks the car in front of Stanford’s hotel and gets out to give the girls a proper goodbye. </p><p>In classic Kelley fashion she dramatically throws her arms around Tobin as if it’ll be the last time they ever meet. A few tears even manage to escape her eyes.</p><p>Tobin promises her that they’ll talk soon and suggests Kelley sits down on the bench so she doesn’t fall over. </p><p>Christen’s goodbye is a lot shyer. Her arms tentatively wrap themselves around Tobin’s neck. Her movements are reciprocated when arms find their way around her lower back. </p><p>Neither of them really want to let go too caught up in the moment that all of tonight has been. </p><p>Before letting go Christen murmurs a quiet thank you and goodbye. Tobin responds by promising they’ll see eachother again. </p><p>Though there’s no guarantee of that whatsoever Christen wholeheartedly believes her. Tobin undoubtedly believes herself too.</p><p>When the hug is finally broken Christen begins her walk towards the entrance, but can’t help but steal a glance back at the girl. Tobin’s eyes on her make her smile the biggest she has all night. </p><p>Later that night both of them toss and turn in bed, but their minds are far too preoccupied to be tired. Tobin desperately wishes she had gotten the younger girl’s number so she could see if the inability to sleep  is also plaguing Christen. Christen wishes Tobin had asked for her number so she’d at least have some link to her. </p><p>It’s then that they both make promises to themselves to not let the other one slip away next time.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. First Becoming Friends</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Firsts shared between Tobin Heath and Christen Press.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The first time they consider eachother friends begins with a rocky start.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first time the two truly become friends happens only a few months later. Kelley, Christen, and Tobin are all recruited to the fairly new Pali Blues team based in Los Angeles. </p><p>Tobin feels like her prayers of meeting the younger girl again are finally being answered and Christen, well she's just glad to be playing pro in college. Okay maybe somewhere in the back of her mind she's also extremely excited to be around Tobin again.</p><p>Neither had mentioned it to Kelley but they were itching to be around eachother again. Not a day went by where one didn't think of the other for hours. </p><p>When the day for the first practice comes there are a variety of scenarios playing in each girls mind.</p><p>Unfortunately none of them happen and the two don't really even speak other than a quick greeting when the team first gathers.</p><p>Christen tries her absolutely hardest to not dwell on it, but can't help it when ultimately her brain convinces her that Tobin simply doesn't feel the weird connection she does. Evenutally Christen decides that the only correct response is to avoid the other girl. </p><p>It's a known fact that Tobin is one of the most oblivious people to ever exist so she doesn't realize anything is up until a week in when she gathers enough courage to talk to Christen only for her to walk away without saying a word. </p><p>Maybe she's only spent one night with Christen, but Tobin did not think she was the impolite type. Plus anytime they've been around eachother Christen has been the embodiment of kindness; with everyone else at least. </p><p>Once Tobin really thinks about it she concludes Christen must be avoiding her and that she had done something to cause it. </p><p>Tobin's brain spends week picking apart every interaction they've ever had. By now it's safe to say it's nothing from the night they met because that had been... well perfect. That leaves since they've been on the team.</p><p>The question of how she could've done something when she hasn't even spoken to Christen plays on a constant loop in her mind. Her mind never once even entertains the idea that the issue is that they haven't spoken.</p><p>It's mostly a coincidence when the two finally do talk. At least it starts as a coincidence. </p><p>Christen's legs were still deathly sore from the game against Arizona earlier, and what cures sore limbs better than ice?  </p><p>Thankfully she knew precisely where the ice machine was since she had been subjected to helping Kelley ice her ankles the night before. </p><p>Midway there she hears quiet whistling from just down the hall and can't help but turn to see who it is. This leads her to see Tobin clear as day on her way to sneak out of the hotel. </p><p>Out of pure curiosity she follows Tobin down all three flights of stairs to the lobby. It's just her luck when a loud crash is heard and she lets out a relatively quiet yelp.</p><p>Not quiet enough though and the girl she's been practically stalking sharply turns around. </p><p>Relief floods Tobin when she sees it's only Christen and not some random employee. Her relief only lasts a second though when she's reminded of how Christen has been avoiding her like the plague. </p><p>After a minute of the most awkward silence Tobin's ever had she can't take it anymore.</p><p>"Uh hey Christen what are you doing down here?" </p><p>A perfectly valid question that Christen finds herself struggling to find an answer for.</p><p>"I uh... I just..." The more she stutters out the redder her face becomes. </p><p>"Were you following me?" It's totally meant as a joke to ease the tension, but it completely backfires.</p><p>"I really didn't mean to! You were just whistling and I didn't even think it through I'm sorry you must think..." </p><p>Luckily for Christen Tobin puts her out of her misery without letting her embarrass herself with a full blown apology. </p><p>"No worries, really." </p><p>Humiliated isn't a strong enough word to describe how Christen feels as Tobin casually turns around and begins walking towards the door.</p><p>Where Christen sees a big flashing board saying 'Way to go Press you messed up big time!' Tobin sees an opportunity. </p><p>"Well are you gonna follow me or do I need to literally drag you along?" </p><p>Why Tobin would want to hang out with her after catching her essentially being a stalker is beyond her, but she chooses to follow nonetheless. </p><p>Tobin begins to regret her question when they've been walking two blocks and neither of them have spoken. </p><p>"Sooooo do you normally stalk girls or am I just special?" Just Tobin doing what Tobin does best, using humor to deal with any negative feelings. </p><p>"Again I'm so sorry I don't even know what came over me."</p><p>Discomfort is written all over Christen's face and Tobin has the weird feeling that she needs to fix it just like she did last time. </p><p>"Hey no don't apologize. I'm a little honored the Christen Press was interested enough to follow little ol me. Plus it gives me time to talk to you alone which I've been wanting to do for a while actually." </p><p>This time it's Tobin feeling embarrassed after admitting a little more than she wanted to. </p><p>"Oh I didn't realize you wanted to talk to me at all. God I feel silly now, but a while back I pretty much convinced myself you didn't want anything to do with me."</p><p>The pieces come together in Tobin's mind and she realizes Christen's been avoiding her because she's nervous? Something like nervous Tobin figures. </p><p>"How long ago is a while back?" </p><p>Christen skin flushes again as she says it.</p><p>"Since the first night." </p><p>"So you've been avoiding me that long huh?"</p><p>Suddenly Christen is regretting all of her decisions from the past month as she nods her head. </p><p>"Well I guess it's good to at least know the reason now. Honestly I spent way longer than I should've thinking about it. Normally I don't let myself get caught up in stuff like that, but I just couldn't help it. The whole thing just felt so wrong snd weird." </p><p>There isn't a hint of animosity in her voice as she speaks which is greatly appreciated by Christen. </p><p>"I was so stupid I'm sorry. If i thought you would notice I never would've done it. I just told myself you'd be too busy with all these other more important people that I wouldn't even cross your mind." </p><p>A brief but monumental thought flashes through Tobin's mind. ‘How could anyone be as important as you?’ Just as quickly as it enters it leaves and Tobin finds herself speaking again. </p><p>"You did cross my mind; wait I kinda said that already. You should know though that I was so hype to be seeing you again. It's a little embarrassing how excited I was." </p><p>"Not as embarrassing as me getting caught following you I bet."</p><p>Tobin let's out a whole hearted laugh and Christen decides it's one of her favorite sounds. </p><p>"No maybe not that embarrassing I suppose." </p><p>"Sometimes my brain just tells me stupid things. Realistically I know they're just stupid, but I always find myself listening to them anyway. It's the only way to shut my brain up for a while."</p><p>Tobin's never personally dealt with much anxiety, but that sure is what this sounds like to her. </p><p>"Tell me more."</p><p>"Huh?" </p><p>"Tell me more about these thoughts and how they make you feel." </p><p>"You don't want to hear about that it'll totally kill the mood." </p><p>"No it won't I promise." </p><p>Christen puts up a fight, but Tobin insists that she genuinely wants to know and Christen reluctantly gives in. </p><p>Before tonight Christen has never really opened up about any of this. Her parents knew she had some minor anxiety, but she'd never told them just how bad it could get. Something about Tobin seems to make everything feel easy. </p><p>She doesn't even realize she's beginning to tear up until Tobin's pinky intertwines with her own. The simple gesture is something her high school best friends would do whenever they thought Christen needed support. Christen smiles at the thought of Tobin being a best friend figure in her life. </p><p> They end up spending the night wondering the streets of Arizona while Tobin listens to Christen. </p><p>Normally Tobin hates when people go on and on about themselves, but she doesn't mind it now. In fact she finds herself hanging onto every word Christen says. </p><p>Subconsciously Tobin guides them back to the hotel. Probably her brain telling her it does indeed need a little sleep tonight. </p><p>Only when they're standing in front of the doors does the conversation lull. </p><p>Once again Christen finds herself not wanting the night to end.</p><p>"I wish this night didn't have to end. Maybe you should follow me again sometime." </p><p>"I was just thinking that actually." </p><p>Tobin reaches into her back pocket and pulls out her phone. She types some things before handing it over to Christen. </p><p>"Here put your number in. I was so annoyed at myself that I didn't get it last time."</p><p>She's tempted to put in some nickname but comes up with nothing. </p><p>"You should text it later so I have yours too. I mean if you want that is." </p><p>Most other people Christen's met have found her unsureness a little annoying, but Tobin thinks it's quite endearing. She makes a mental goal to help Christen be more sure of herself in anyway she can. </p><p>"Of course I want to. Don't be surprised if I text sooner than you expect." </p><p>Christen isn't surprised when Tobin texts her as soon as she reaches her hotel room; just extremely relieved. </p><p>Relieved enough to spend the whole night texting the other girl just to keep the feeling alive. Not that Tobin minds, there's no other way she'd rather be spending her night. </p><p>When daylight does come and the team is herded onto the bus Tobin ditches her normal seat in favor of sitting by Christen. </p><p>Kelley doesn't take too much offense to it since it was for Christen after all. She thinks that there's no better feeling than watching two people grow towards eachother.</p><p>If Kelley's being honest she secretly hopes that someday her two best friends will become something a little more than friends. In her opinion they're totally perfect for eachother. It's possible that the whole point of introducing the two was to get them to fall for eachother, but she plans to wait until their inevitable future wedding to reveal that. </p><p>Tobin and Christen end up sitting next to eachother on every bus ride after that. </p><p>The rest of the season flies by and soon enough it's their last game together. Though unspoken most of the team knows that they won't be returning next year. </p><p>When the final whistle blows Christen can't help but burst into tears. No one knows it but this has been the best summer of her life. </p><p>Teammates don’t even get the opportunity to console her because Tobin is by her side almost instantly and is ushering her to the locker room.</p><p>Once inside she pulls the crying girl if for a tight hug. </p><p>"Shh Chris it'll be okay just breathe with me." </p><p>After a few moments their breathing syncs and she chooses to continue. </p><p>"Wanna tell me what's wrong?" </p><p>"I just don't want all of this to end." </p><p>"The season?" </p><p>Christen nods her head and wants to add 'and us' but she doesn't.</p><p>"I get that I never like when the season ends. Kinda feels like losing a family even if you're just gonna find another one next season. You don't have to lose touch with everyone though. I'm positive people would love to keep up with you. I know I definitely do." </p><p>If possible Christen pulls Tobin even closer. </p><p>A "thank you" is whispered into Tobin's ear and she isn't really sure what it's for.</p><p>Her confusion must be sensed because Christen elaborates.</p><p>"Thank you for being such a good friend." </p><p>Tobin still isn't sure what she's done that has deemed her a good friend, but she'll take a compliment from Christen anyday. </p><p>"I'm proud of you Chris." </p><p>The nickname leaves Christen's whole body feeling warm. </p><p>"For what?" </p><p>"For calling me your friend. Sometime that first night you told me it was hard for you to call someone your friend without them saying it first." </p><p>"I'm gonna miss you Tobin." </p><p>"Hey I'm only gonna be a phone call away, but I'll miss you too. I think after this summer you're one of my closest friends you know?" </p><p>"Me too." </p><p>They don't get to say goodbye the following morning but it doesn't even matter since they call eachother for an hour once they've both returned home. </p><p>This time sleep comes easily to them both knowing that this is the beginning of a wonderful friendship.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. First Realizations</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Firsts shared between Tobin Heath and Christen Press.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I apologize profusely for any grammatical errors. I finished this late at night and just really wanted to get it published.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first time the two realize they want to be more than friends actually isn't at the same time. </p><p>For Christen it happens a bit earlier because as even she knows now Tobin is oblivious apparently even to her own feelings. </p><p>Shockingly Christen doesn't come to the realization that she may like Tobin until four years after Pali Blues. Years filled with constant texting, some calling, and scattered meet ups that only last a couple of hours. </p><p>Upon realizing her feelings she realized a lot of other things to. Such as how it isn't normal for your stomach to feel all fluttery when you're just around a friend. Also that these feelings have definitely always been there. </p><p>Before Tobin Christen honestly hadn't given her sexuality a single thought. Guys had always been relatively attractive to her and she had dated one all throughout highschool so as most people would she had assumed she was straight. </p><p>Not that it would've mattered if she wasn't since her family has always been extremely open minded about all things in life. </p><p>Now that it's a reality though Christen finds herself utterly terrified.</p><p>Right about now she wishes that Tobin had skipped their scheduled phone call last week. Everything was all good until Tobin mentioned going on a date. <br/>Christen had nearly choked on her coffee when Tobin casually slipped it into their conversation about PSG.</p><p>"Yeah it is kinda hard to communicate sometimes. I have a date next week though so I guess I can't be doing too badly." </p><p>As soon as it left Tobin's mouth, and when she had swallowed her coffee, she began pressing for any details she could. It was to no avail and Tobin wouldn't even give a name. </p><p>Once the phone call had ended and there was nothing to focus on other than the unpleasant tightness in her chest and Christen just knew, she had it bad for her best friend. </p><p>The tightness still hasn't left Christen's chest and she's taken up the habit of ignoring Tobin's texts. Even the good morning ones which never fail to make her smile. </p><p>She knows she needs to do something, but what could she possibly do? Instagram stalking isn't going to help and she absolutely cannot ask her sisters for advice yet. </p><p>Never in her life until this moment has she been thankful for a text from Kelley. Kelley who knows Tobin and also Kelley who is the gayest person she has ever met.</p><p>Kelley picks up after only two rings and greets Christen in her regular cheerful tone.</p><p>"Hey Pressy! So glad you called! My text didn't really require that, but I've missed you a bit so no complaints." </p><p>"Oh actually Kell this isn't really about the text." </p><p>The other line goes silent as Kelley takes in her friends nervous tone. </p><p>"What's up is everything okay you sound anxious?"</p><p>Something in the question does Christen in and suddenly she's full blown crying.</p><p>"Woah woah calm down just tell me what's wrong okay?" </p><p>"I th-I think I might b-be gay Kell." </p><p>Honestly Kelley's been expecting this for a long time, but she's smart enough to not admit that.</p><p>"Hey Chris it's okay breathe please. I promise you this is nothing to hyperventilate over. What's caused you to come to this conclusion?" </p><p>Despite the hardest part being over Christen starts to feel incredibly shy. </p><p>"It's not a what it's a who." </p><p>Christen doesn't even need to say it for Kelley to know who it is.</p><p>"Tobin right?"</p><p>"How'd you know?" </p><p>Kelley let's out a tentative chuckle at the question since it's been so damn obvious for so damn long.</p><p>"You've talked about her every single day for years. Probably more than you've talked about your dogs which really says something. Don't worry it wouldn't be obvious to anyone who doesn't know you extremely well."</p><p>"Do you think she..."</p><p>"No come on Chris she probably wouldn't even realize if you kissed her."</p><p>"Who said anything about kissing?" </p><p>It comes off a lot harsher than she meant it to. </p><p>"Sorry I'm just upset. She has this stupid date tomorrow and she wouldn't even give me a name. I don't even know if it's with a guy or girl!"</p><p>"Dude, how the fuck do you not know the answer to that. Tobin's a walking lesbian stereotype Chris!"</p><p>"Some of us don't assume. Plus she's so religious I just thought... I don't know what I thought."</p><p>Kelley's been there several times. Georgia really isn't the place to be assuming things. </p><p>"At least you know now though. Maybe you can make a move?" </p><p>"She's my best friend Kelley. Just because she's gay doesn't mean she likes me. There's no way I'm risking our friendship over a crush that will probably just go away." </p><p>Right as it leaves her mouth Christen knows the last part is a total lie. </p><p>"One I thought I was your best friend. Two anyone with eyes would like you. Three even if Tobin doesn't like you there's zero chance she'd let that ruin your friendship. You mean a lot to her; she talks about you just as much as you talk about her." </p><p>Her next phrase sounds like something straight out of a corny highschool rom com.</p><p>"Really she talks about me?" </p><p>"Oh god Chris try not to sound so in love." </p><p>The use of the L word causes hundreds of flashing red lights in Christen's head. </p><p>"I-I'm not in love with her Kelley."</p><p>"Not yet!"</p><p>"Kelley this isn't funny I'm suffering!" </p><p>"Sorry Chris, but you want me advice?" </p><p>Silence follows and Kelley takes it as a sign to continue.</p><p>"Figure out yourself and deal with telling people about just the gay thing if you want. After all of that you can worry about Tobin. Be patient I'm almost positive Tobin and this girl won't last. She's gonna come back from Paris evenutally. If you still like her when she's back I suggest you go for it."</p><p>All of it was solid advice and for once Christen decides to do exactly as Kelley says. </p><p>The first people she tells are of course Channing and Tyler. </p><p>'Some things are better said in person' she thinks over and over during her flight to California. Even after hours of repeating it the mantra does nothing to help her nerves. </p><p>What bothers Christen the most about this whole thing is that she's nervous in the first place. Neither of her sisters have ever said anything negative about being gay so why can't she trust them to accept her?</p><p>Her confession doesn't go at all as planned. As soon as she crosses the threshold of Tyler's apartment she blurts it. </p><p>"Guys I'm gay!" </p><p>Tyler and Channing spin to her at the same time.</p><p>"Huh?" </p><p>Christen begins pacing the apartment and whispering to herself. Neither sister does anything out of shock.</p><p>"I'm gay I like girls. I'm sorry." </p><p>The apology kicks their sisterly instincts back into action and they're hugging her tightly a moment later. </p><p>"No Chrissy you have nothing to apologize for I was just surpirsed I'm sorry." </p><p>Channing says genuinely beginning to stroke her sisters hair. </p><p>"Wanna tell us about it?"</p><p>Tyler asks leading all three of them to the couch. </p><p>Tyler and Channing do end up hearing all about it. Everything from the handshake to the phone call. There's some "ooohs" and teasing along the way, but Christen's sister's are nothing short of the best supporters ever. </p><p>"You know I was super nervous to tell you guys. I hadn't  told anyone except Kelley." </p><p>"We're glad you told us big sis." Channing whispers pulling Christen into another hug before continuining.</p><p>"You know who you have to tell now though right?"</p><p>"Who?" </p><p>"Mom and Dad." </p><p>Thankfully Christen has a whole three days to prepare. </p><p>Three days that go by far too fast for Christen to formulate any real plan. </p><p>If her plane ride to California was painful the car ride to her parents is excruciating. All 25 minutes are filled with her fiddling with her top and playing with her hair. Anxious habits that she thought she had gotten over long ago. At least she makes it to her parents' house without crying.</p><p>Tears don't stay away for long once she enters the house and her parents have their arms snuggly around her.</p><p>Cody and Stacy have always been able to read their daughter like a book. Today is no exception and all they have to do is share a look to know that whatever is upsetting Christen is big. </p><p>"Tell us Christen." Her mother's soothing tone relaxes her just as much as it always has.</p><p>"I don't want to dissapoint you guys." </p><p>It honestly broke Cody and Stacy's heart that their Christen could ever think she'd dissapont them. </p><p>"I like girls." </p><p>Cody starts laughing and Stacy joins moments later. </p><p>"Oh sweetheart we thought you killed someone with the way you were crying!" </p><p>Neither Channing nor Tyler had laughed when Christen told them, and she actually thinks she likes her parents' reactions a little more than theirs.</p><p>Unlike her sisters, her parents ask no questions and go on with their day. 'Yeah I definitely like their reactions more.' Christen thinks to herself as she watches them cook lunch.</p><p>The very next week Christen finds herself telling her whole team and all of her close friends. All except one that is.</p><p>She’s not exactly sure how to go about telling Tobin. <br/>Kelley’s advice is to be like Nike and Just Do It.</p><p>If Christen could she definitely would. Deep down she knows why she’s so afraid. It’s not that it’ll change anything it’s actually the opposite.</p><p>Christen wants everything to change. She wants Tobin to break it off with that girl and confess her undying love for her. She wants Tobin to fly from Paris with flowers to come kiss her.</p><p>Both of those things wouldn’t happen even if Tobin feels the same, but that certainly doesn’t stop her from thinking about it. </p><p>Weeks go by and Christen has found herself wanting to avoid Tobin just like all those years ago. This time something is different though.</p><p>They had promised eachother to communicate rather than running and Christen always keeps her promises even when she really doesn’t want to.</p><p>That’s the reason she suddenly pulls out her phone and types in Tobin’s number; which she hadn’t meant to memorize.</p><p>“Hey Chris what’s up I was beginning to worry about you!” </p><p>“Hey Tobs! Yeah sorry I’ve just been busy you know. Is now a good time for you I can call back later?”</p><p>Tobin let’s out and small laugh and it makes Christen’s heart melt a little.</p><p>“Nows perfect I was actually just about to catch up on some Glee. Shit I wasn’t mean to tell you that.”</p><p>“Tobin! How behind are you?” </p><p>“Just a couple of episodes nothing a binge cant fix. </p><p>“If it were any other day I’d totally be lecturing you right now, but I kinda need to tell you something important.”</p><p>“Coolio what is it?”</p><p>The phrase ‘I’m gay’ is on the tip of her tongue, but it simply won’t come out. </p><p>“Chris whatever it is it’s okay I’m here for you.” </p><p>“I’m sorry Tobs it just won’t come out I really need to tell you though.” </p><p>“Would it be easier if you gave me hints and I guessed?” </p><p>Now that’s much easier for Christen. </p><p>“Yeah okay, um it has something to do with my romantic life.” </p><p>“You got a boyfriend?” </p><p>She should’ve known she’s gonna need to be a little bit direct here.</p><p>“No, kinda the opposite.” </p><p>“Oh my god Chris did you get dumped? Is there someone you haven’t told me about? I can totally beat him up if you need me too...”</p><p>“No but that’s sweet. Think even more opposite.”</p><p>“Uh I’m not really sure what could be more opposite.”</p><p>“What’s the opposite of boy Tobin?” </p><p>“Girl? OH! OHHHH! You’re into girls?” </p><p>At the sound of her bestfriend’s excited voice a small smile spreads across Christen’s face. </p><p>“Yeah, yeah I do.” </p><p>“Sweet thanks for telling me. Me too I don’t know if you knew that already, but I’m all about the ladies.” </p><p>For the first time since she picked up the phone Christen’s nerves are completely gone. </p><p>“I had an inkling.”</p><p>“Most people do. You got your eye on anyone special?” </p><p>A large part of Christen wants to be honest with her bestfriend, but an even larger part is screaming at her to lie. </p><p>“No not really.”</p><p>“That sucks I know you’ll find someone though. I think I’ve got someone special...”</p><p>Her brain tunes out the rest of what Tobin says. No need to add even more damage to the fresh wound. </p><p>She hopes that maybe the pain will be enough to make her get over Tobin.</p><p>It isn’t because of course nothing is ever that easy for Christen.</p><p>———————————————————————————</p><p>For Tobin realizing she likes Christen isn’t particularly life changing. Her go with the flow lifestyle makes sure of that.</p><p>It happens on a chilly October day in 2015 while training with the National Team. Tobin’s group has just been rotated out and she finds her eyes trained to Christen watching her every move.</p><p>By now it’s become a habit of hers to observe everything Christen does. There’s never been anything weird about it; Christen is just eye catching. At least Tobin hasn’t ever thought it’s weird. </p><p>Alex on the other hand definitely thinks it’s weird and has decided today is finally the day to call her friend out on it. </p><p>“Stop staring at Press Tobs it’s getting creepy.” </p><p>“I’m just watching her Lex. Don’t you think she’s doing awesome today?” </p><p>Alex sighs because she’s no stranger to Tobin’s occasional disconnect from her feelings.</p><p>“She does awesome everyday Tobs and you don’t see other people gawking at her.” </p><p>Tobin finally tears her eyes away only to roll her eyes at Alex. “I’m not gawking at her she’s just really on form.” </p><p>That isn’t nearly enough to make Alex give up.</p><p>“You don’t just do it during training you know? It’s all the time. I’m not the only one who has noticed.”</p><p>Of course Tobin’s noticed, but again Christen is just eye catching.</p><p>“Lex what are you trying to say here?”</p><p>“It’s just weird how you watch her. Yes she’s good, but so am I and you never stare at me like that. I was just wondering why.”</p><p>The topic is dropped after that and Tobin chooses to put everything Alex said on the back burner until later. </p><p>Later comes when she’s sprawled out on her hotel bed with absolutely nothing to do.</p><p>Until now the fact of why she stares at Christen so intently hasn’t seemed important. Now suddenly it seems very important. </p><p>The more and more she thinks about it the more and more she realizes what it really has to do with.</p><p>The way Christen’s eyes glow in certain lighting.</p><p>The way Christen bites her lip when she’s focused.</p><p>The way Christen’s leg looks striking the ball.</p><p>The way Christen’s smile sets her whole body on fire.</p><p>The way Christen will sometimes look at her and send an utterly ungrateful wink. </p><p>God she’s always loved the winks. </p><p>Why hasn’t she seen it before? None of these thoughts are necessarily new. They’ve just been hidden in some locked part of her brain. Until now that is. </p><p>Accepting that she likes Christen is easy. Everything suddenly just makes sense so she thinks that must mean whatever is happening is right.</p><p>What doesn’t come as easy is figuring out what to do about it. </p><p>She elects to definitely not tell anyone out of the fear it’ll get back to Christen before she’s ready for it too.</p><p>As of right now she isn’t so sure she’ll ever be ready for her best friend to hear it. There’s no way she’s about to risk losing the best thing that’s ever happened to her. </p><p>Tobin scratches that last thought as soon as it flows through her head. </p><p>Christen is too good of a person to let something like this change anything. </p><p>Maybe she won’t ever be ready, but maybe she doesn’t need to be.</p><p>Maybe she just needs the right moment.</p><p>Maybe liking Christen will end up being the best thing that’s ever happened to her.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. First Confessions</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Firsts shared between Tobin Heath and Christen Press.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The first time Tobin tellls Christen how she feels it goes a lot better than expected.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first time the two confess their feelings doesn't happen long after Tobin's realization. That is if you don't consider a week to be a long time.</p><p>Despite the nerves that she has Tobin knows that she has to tell Christen or she's going to go insane. Each time their eyes meet it takes all of her self control to not blurt how she feels or quickly kiss the girl in front of her. </p><p>The second option seems much more likely than the first. After all Tobin is a woman of actions and not words. The issue is the second option is also much more dangerous for their friendship than the first.</p><p>Kissing Christen without her consent is wrong, but Tobin imagines it would feel like the closest thing to Heaven on earth. </p><p>She hopes to be able to relish that feeling someday. </p><p>Patience is a virtue and she decides to think of some other ways to convey her feelings.</p><p>'I could ask her to go out and at the end of the night ask if it could be a date next time.'</p><p>'Maybe I should get her a corny gift that makes it obvious.' </p><p>'Possibly a love letter? Wait that's good.'</p><p>A love letter is the perfect way. She can get all of her feelings out and leave no room for confusion that will make Christen an anxious mess. </p><p>Tobin's always been a decent, though out of practice, writer. At first she finds herself staring at the paper completely unsure of where to begin. Once her pin finally touches the paper everything just pours out in a perfect way. </p><p>The paper is folded up and put into a hotel envelope. Christen's name in big letters across the back. </p><p>For safety purposes she puts it into the drawer right by her bed and goes about her day like nothings happened.</p><p>Hours later she returns to her room only to find the letter gone. Panic mode takes over and she scours the whole room even going as far as unmaking the beds.</p><p>Her treasure is no where to be found and there is only one reason that could be. Kelley, aka her darling roommate, found it, read it, and stole it. </p><p>Tobin darts out of the room and beelines to Alex's room where she knows her and Kelley and undoubtedly reading her letter over and over again.</p><p>Three hard knocks are apparently not enough to get them to open the door; so she starts yelling. Loud enough to attract a certain curly headed green eyed girl. </p><p>"Tobs what are you doing?"</p><p>Tobin goes blank and the door flies open.</p><p>"Well hello Tobs and Pressy fancy seeing you here at the same time. Pressy, Tobin has something that she wants to give you and entrusted it to me for safe keeping." </p><p>Oh Kelley is going to get it later. The freckled demon joyfully hands Christen the letter and says, "Happy reading!" before shutting the door again.</p><p>"What's this Tobs?" </p><p>"Oh uh you know just a letter." </p><p>For how perceptive Christen normally is she sure doesn't seem to be picking up on any of Tobin's nerves. </p><p>"That's sweet should I read it now or later?" </p><p>"Later! Or um whenever you want I guess. I got to go do uh things!" </p><p>Tobin finds herself yet again on a beeline only this time it's to the safety of her own room. </p><p>Once she's in she's immediately pacing around the room waiting for Christen to either text her, call her, or knock on the door. </p><p>Meanwhile Christen takes her time walking the whole 10 feet back to her room. Where a bath is already warm and ready calling her name. </p><p>She slips in and sighs contently before grabbing the letter which she had set on the side of the tub. </p><p>Dear Chris, <br/>I don't know how you're gonna feel about what this letter says, but it would feel wrong to not tell you. I like you Chris, a lot actually. I feel kinda stupid because I'm just now realizing this. All of these feelings have always been there, but you know me I'm the most oblivious person in every room I'm in. I'm pretty confident that you won't let this come between us because you're just so good. It's one of the reasons I like you along with lots of other things. Your heart is just so pure and it shows in everything you do. We can talk about this or we can forget it and move on. It's totally up to you, but for the record I hope we don't ignore it.<br/>                                                          Love,<br/>                                                          Tobin</p><p>'Holy shit!' is all Christen can think as she rereads the letter a second time. </p><p>When Kelley handed her the letter she certainly hadn't expected this. She hadn't been expecting anything really. God she wishes Tobin had told her in person.</p><p>Not that she's complaining, but hearing Tobin say everything would've made her heart explode. </p><p>With that in mind she shoots Tobin a simple text saying she'll be coming over in 20.</p><p>Ten minutes haven't even passed by the time Christen is out the door and on her way to Tobin. Her hair is a mess and her clothes aren't matching but, 'Who the hell cares? Tobin flipping Heath likes me!'</p><p>It doesn't even take a second knock for the room door to fly open revealing an anxiety ridden Tobin. </p><p>All of Christen's willpower immediately goes to not kissing the look of panic off of Tobin's face. There'd be plenty of time for that later; well Christen hopes there will be. </p><p>"Hey Chris fancy seeing you here..." </p><p>"Hey Tobs can I come in?"</p><p>Tobin begrudgingly moves to the side and Christen slips inside and takes up residence on Tobin's unmade bed. </p><p>The shorter girl awkwardly shuffles over and stands by the bed nervously. </p><p>"Tobs you can sit. I don't bite you know." </p><p>Tobin's face turns bright red as the image of Christen biting her in a bit of a different situations floods her head.</p><p>She gives in anyway and plops onto the bed far enough away from Christen to where none of their body parts could accidentally touch. </p><p>"I guess you read my letter huh?"</p><p>"Yeah, I definitely wasn't expecting... all of that." </p><p>Brown eyes look anywhere other than the soft green eyes in front of them. </p><p>"I'm really sorry Chris. I'm not sure what happened." </p><p>"Neither was I." </p><p>Their eyes lock again and both of their heart beats speed up.</p><p>"What do you mean Chris?" </p><p>"When I fell for you I wasn't sure what happened either." </p><p>Tobin's eyes widen and her jaw goes slack at that.</p><p>"I've liked you for years Tobs. I always kind of hoped one day you'd feel the same way." </p><p>'Years' Tobin thinks to herself. Years of Christen probably torturing herself.</p><p>"I had no idea Chris. I-I'm so sorry I didn't realize. How long?"</p><p>“Since Shirley.”</p><p>A stunned silence follows her admission. Brown eyes rapidly search Christen’s face trying to find any sign that maybe that it’s a lie. There aren’t any signs and Tobin knows it must be true.</p><p>“Chris...” </p><p>The bed weight shifts as Tobin scoots over until their sides are touching and her arm is wrapped around the younger girl.</p><p>“I wish you would’ve told me.” </p><p>Christen nuzzles her head into the side of Tobin’s neck and takes a deep breath that sends shivers up and down Tobin’s whole body.</p><p>“I didn’t wanna lose you.”</p><p>“You’ll never lose me Christen.” </p><p>At the use of her full name Christen knows Tobin means it with her whole heart. </p><p>She feels a steady hand on her jaw tilting her head up. When their eyes meet Tobin has a shy smile and Christen just knows her cheeks are bright red. </p><p>Neither of them know who initiates it, but suddenly their lips are together and never has a first kiss felt so perfect. They move together in a way that’s slow, careful, and meaningful.</p><p>Sure Tobin’s lips are a little chapped and Christen’s having a hard time controlling her breathing, but it’s so much better than either of them could’ve ever imagined.</p><p>As the kiss deepens a single thought runs through Christen’s mind, ‘God I love you.’</p><p>That will have to come a little later though. For now she’ll just enjoy the feeling of Tobin’s hands running through her hair while her tongue slides against her bottom lip.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. First Date</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Firsts shared between Tobin Heath and Christen Press.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Tobin and Christen’s first date is everything they could want.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first time they go on an official date it's everything they could've wanted. There's definitely no complaints about what leads up to it either.</p><p>Despite many nights spent on the phone, many short kisses, and many flirty texts neither Tobin nor Christen have broached the subject of going on a date or becoming an official couple. </p><p>That's not to say they don't want exactly that. Most nights both find themselves imagining dozens of scenarios involving the other before drifting to sleep. </p><p>Christen wants Tobin to be the one to ask because she had made Christen wait for years; unintentionally as it was it still puts the ball in Tobin's court.</p><p>Thankfully Tobin knows Christen well enough to expect exactly this. That's why when the Chicago versus Portland game comes around Tobin has a plan.</p><p>The following week is an off week for both of them, and there's not going to be a better opportunity than this to finally be alone together.</p><p>On the morning of the game Christen sends Tobin a winking selfie with a promsie to see her after the game. The simple picture gives Tobin all kinds of butterflies that end up lasting well into the morning.</p><p>It ends up being a harder game than the Thorns expected. Huerta puts the Red Stars ahead with a header in the 20th minute. Only to be followed by a volley by Sinclair off of an amazing cross by Allie Long.</p><p>The score remains 1-1 until the 81st minute when Tobin whips a ball into the top right corner of the net off a game winning free kick. </p><p>Tobin searches for Christen a little nervous that this'll affect the forward's mood only to find a proud smile plastered to her face.</p><p>After the final whistle and the post game formalities they embrace for a short hug during which Christen tells her the hotel she's staying at along with her room number. </p><p>Despite all the lingering teammates congratulating her on her killer goal Tobin manages to slip out of the stadium fairly quickly.</p><p>Uncharacteristically her apartment is actually pretty clean. There are a few shoes scattered around, but other than that it was pretty much spotless. </p><p>A few weeks ago Christen had mentioned the importance of cleanliness and well Tobin would do mostly anything for Christen; even if it meant getting rid of her organized mess.</p><p>As it turns out she likes this a bit more anyway.</p><p>One quick shower later Tobin and is digging in her closet trying to find the right outfit.</p><p>'Alright Tobin this isn't difficult. You're not gonna be going out tonight so just make it casual. What if she wants dinner? Then you can cook. Just go with the skinny jeans. Yeah yeah those are good. Now t-shirt or jacket? Neither let's go with hoodie!'</p><p>She pulls the black jeans and hoodie on and slips on a gray beanie to cover up her damp hair. Some basic white Jordan's end up being her choice of shoe for the night.</p><p>It's nothing fancy by any means, but it screams her name and she figures Christen will appreciate that. </p><p>Her text telling Christen she's on her way is quickly answered with a smiley face that puts one a small smile on Tobin's face.</p><p>Traffic isn't too bad and Tobin gets there in 10 minutes flat. </p><p>Nerves only begin setting in when she switches the car off and the music fades. There's a chance that Christen will completely reject Tobin's offer and she doesn't think her pride can take that.</p><p>She swears her heart beast faster and faster with every floor the elevator passes. </p><p>Julie ends up entering on the fourth floor and they say a quick hello before Tobin has to exit on the next floor up.</p><p>Two left turns later and she's face to face with the pale door of Christen's room.</p><p>Her knuckles tap the door twice before a "Coming!" is yelled from inside.</p><p>When the door opens Tobin can't help but gasp at the sight in front of her. To put it simply Christen looked stunning. It wasn't that the other girl is wearing something fancy; nothing is really different at all actually.</p><p>It's the same cream sweater with black jeans that Tobin's seen her wear countless times. So there's no real explanation for the way her heart is soaring or how gorgeous she thinks the other girl looks. </p><p>"You look... wow Chris." </p><p>"Tobs you've seen me in this at least ten times." </p><p>Tobin just shakes her head because that doesn't mean anything right now. </p><p>"You don't look too bad yourself Toby." </p><p>God she hates that nickname, well unless Christen says it. When it rolls off Christen's tongue it has quite the nice ring to it.</p><p>"I like it when you call me that." </p><p>"Guess that means i'm your favorite since you practically tackled Ash the last time she said it."</p><p>"Not gonna deny that one." </p><p>"Which one?"</p><p>"Both." </p><p>Two sets of cheeks flush and that's all the confirmation Tobin needed to go forward with her plan. </p><p>"So I was thinking..." </p><p>"Oh no!"</p><p>"Hey!" Tobin laughs and lightly shoves Christen.</p><p>"I actually think you'll like this idea. Hopefully you will if not then that's totally embarrassing." </p><p>Christen softly smiles at her. A silent promise that she will like the idea no matter what.</p><p>"We both have off weeks next week..." </p><p>"Tobs don't keep a girl waiting all night what is it?" </p><p>"Iwaswonderingifyouwouldwanttojuststayherewithme?" </p><p>Dark eyebrows knit together as Christen tries to figure out what on earth Tobin just asked her. </p><p>"Sorry I didn't mean to go that fast. Would you wanna just stay here with me maybe? I know we aren't official or anything so I get it if you don't want to." </p><p>The smile returns to Christen's face and it's even bigger and brighter this time. Her head bobs up and down and she pulls Tobin in for a messy kiss. </p><p>"Guess that's a yes then?"</p><p>"I'd love to." </p><p>Once they get back to Tobin's dinner preparations begin. Since Christen's the guest Tobin let's her pick the meal. The apartment didn't have much since it isn't stayed in all that much, but she'd bought a couple things in preparation. Pretty much a gambling on whether it'd be something the younger girl would like.</p><p>"Is fish and some veggies okay?" </p><p>"Perfect." </p><p>A domestic routine falls over them. Tobin preparing the fish while Christen works on the vegetables. This isn't the first time they've cooked together, but it feels different this time in the best way possible.</p><p>They end up eating on the couch cuddled up together while Glee plays on the TV. It's not the most romantic, but neither of them could think of anything they'd rather be doing. </p><p>Tobin falls asleep first with her arm draped over Christen's back holding her closely. Christen soon follows but not before pressing a gentle kiss against Tobin's forehead.</p><p>Of course Christen is already wide awake by the time Tobin even opens her eyes. Not only is she wide awake, but she's doing yoga, right in front of Tobin, wearing those leggings that drive Tobin insane.</p><p>So instead of not acting like a teenage boy she elects to be a little creepy and just watch. </p><p>Twenty minutes go by before Christen finally says, "Tobs you're being a perv." </p><p>Embarrassed, Tobin dramatically stretches and loudly yawns as if she's just woken up.</p><p>"I don't know what you're talking about Chris. I've just been catching some z's this whole time."</p><p>"Sure you have." </p><p>The lowness in her voice is something Tobin has never heard before, but definitely wants more of. If that wasn't suggestive enough to way she saunters over and straddles Tobin sure is.</p><p>"You know I wore these for you. You weren't exactly subtle last camp during weight room training." </p><p>Tobin blushes at the statement. 'Was I really that bad?' she begins to wonder but is cut off  when soft lips press against hers. </p><p>"I had a dream about you last night."</p><p>The lowness was there yet again this time accompanied by a hint of raspiness. </p><p>"Mmm what kind?" </p><p>When Christen bites Tobin's lower lip and pulls just the tiniest bit it tells her all she needs to know. </p><p>"I was thinking maybe we could recreate it tonight. That is if you take me on a date first." </p><p>"Damnit I wanted to ask you first." </p><p>"You still can, technically I didn't ask you to. It was just a suggestion." </p><p>A very sexy suggestion if you ask Tobin.</p><p>"Christen Press would you do me the great honor of going on a date with me tonight?"</p><p>Lips graze across her neck and she thinks this teasing is about to kill her.</p><p>"Since you asked so nicely Tobs, I'll go on a date with you and even give you a little preview of what you'll be getting later." </p><p>This time Christen's lips don't tease.</p><p>Hours later the two are separated, Christen in the guest bedroom and Tobin in the main. Tobin had insisted they didn't need to get ready separately, but her wonderful date had been adamant about not being seen before she was ready.</p><p>"It's like a wedding Tobs! It would be bad luck!" </p><p>The mention of a wedding and her name in the same sentence had made Tobin's heart pound.</p><p>In fact the comment is why she's currently running a little behind in the getting ready process. She hasn't changed out of her sweatpants and t-shirt that she slept in the night before, and she hasn't even picked a full outfit for tonight.</p><p>Another pair of black skinny jeans are on her bed in the middle of a chaotic mess of shirts, jackets, and hoodies.</p><p>If she knew what Christen was wearing it'd be so so so much easier. Really she isn't sure where their date would take them. She's never been much of a planner. </p><p>"Hey Tobs I'm ready!" </p><p>'Shit.' is all she thinks before closing her eyes and spinning with her finger pointed out.</p><p>This technique is actually very common for her, and it has never let her down. That trend continues and it lands on a white t-shirt followed by her leather jacket. </p><p>Getting the snug leather jacket has always been a bit of a dance for Tobin. A dance full of shimmying and hoping the jacket will eventually slip on. Luck is on her side tonight and it slides right on with no issue.</p><p>'Guess the leather jacket gods must really want me to go on this date.' </p><p>Nothing could've prepared her for what awaits right outside the door. </p><p>If Christen looked stunning last night, Tobin thinks this must be the closest thing to an angel she'll ever see. </p><p>Instead of straightening her hair she'd pulled the back into a loose pony tail and then left a few strands alone at the front. Going downward she has on a cropped black tank that somehow looks fancy. Covering that is an unzipped black bomber jacket. Below that are light washed high waisted loose jeans that have a bit of intentional damage at the bottom.</p><p>"I think I'm the luckiest person in the world right now." </p><p>"Yeah? And why's that?" </p><p>"Because I get to go out on a date with the prettiest girl in the world." </p><p>Both of them know it's probably the corniest thing Tobin has ever said. </p><p>"Okay Romeo where are you taking me?" </p><p>Tobin expertly pulls Christen through the busy streets of Portland. Her hand doesn't leave the younger girl's until they're inside of what appears to be an office building.</p><p>Turns out on the 25th floor there's a nicer resteraunt by the name of Portland City Grill that Tobin's been dying to try. </p><p>The waiter shows them to a private table for two in the back corner. </p><p>Tobin jokes, "Chivalry isn't dead!" as she pulls Christen's chair out for her.</p><p>Christen doesn't respond way too distracted by the view that's to her left. Through the large window is a perfect view of the city at night. Lights dance across the whole city and along the river that flows through the city center. She's never seen a city that's looked so alive. </p><p>"One of the reasons I fell in love with Portland is because of the view at night. I mean Paris had plenty of nice views, but theres nothing like a big city at night. Jersey views definitely weren't nearly as nice as this either."</p><p>"It's absolutely gorgeous Tobs. Do you think you'll play here until you retire?" </p><p>That question is something Tobin's asked herself many times. Mainly out of fear that the answer is no.</p><p>"I hope so. I've never felt so at home anywhere. The environment here is just unlike anywhere I've ever been. I don't think it's a forever home though." </p><p>"Why not?" </p><p>"I've always imagined adult me living somewhere by a beach. Also somewhere a bit more kid friendly would be nice." </p><p>Christen's stomach does weird things at the thought of mini Tobin's learning how to surf at some beach.</p><p>"I mean uh if I have kids of course. I'd be okay with it if whoever I marry didn't want them?" </p><p>Her statement sounds much more like a question and Tobin knows it. However she makes no move to correct herself. </p><p>"Wow Tobs asking some serious questions on the first date. I definitely want one or two but it'd be tempting to have more if it meant little you's running around." </p><p>Before Tobin has the chance to respond the waiter comes by to ask them what they would like to drink, and once he leaves their conversation topic drifts to things far less serious. </p><p>When the check comes Tobin doesn't even give Christen the chance to pay for it exclaiming, "Chivalry hasn't died in the last hour Chris!" </p><p>Much to Christen's surprise dinner isn't all that Tobin intends to take her to tonight. She's dragged for 10 blocks before Tobin finally stops in front of a lit up sign that reads "Chocolatefest". </p><p>"Tobs we are athletes we cannot binge eat chocolate. My body will hate me if I do." </p><p>Her comment goes completely ignored by Tobin who has already started walking along the lit up path leading to the set up shops. </p><p>Christen's body moves against her will and she's soon wrapping her small arms around Tobin's large in comparison bicep. </p><p>"Only you could make me do this Tobin Heath." </p><p>"Maybe that's how it should be Christen Press." </p><p>Half an hour passes of the two stuffing their faces with unbelievably good chocolate before Tobin wanders off promising to be back in a minute. </p><p>Christen takes the time to look at all the people around her. The majority of them were young couples who looked absolutely smitten with eachother. She wonders if that's how her and Tobin looks. </p><p>"I got you something." </p><p>Both of Tobin's hands are behind her back and she's playfully grinning up at Christen.</p><p>"Am I gonna have to pick the right hand?" </p><p>"Glad I didn't have to explain." </p><p>"I'll go with your left hand."</p><p>Tobin shakes her head before grinning once again.</p><p>"No but I'll cheat just for you."</p><p>On her palm is a small chocolate shaped in a heart.</p><p>"Be my girlfriend? You can only eat this chocolatey goodness if you say yes so you better agree." </p><p>"You've got yourself a deal Tobs. The chocolate was the real selling point by the way." </p><p>She takes the chocolate from her now girlfriend's, Christen likes the sound of that, hand and puts it in her mouth.</p><p>"God Tobin that was so good you should get one for yourself." </p><p>"Nah I think I can find another way to taste it." </p><p>There really isn't anything besides playfulness in the short kiss, but it makes them both feel on fire.</p><p>"Wanna head back to mine?"</p><p>"Sure." </p><p>Once inside they start out with gentle slow touches. As the night goes on it grows rough and hungry, and neither of them are unhappy about it. Not when their bodies go together so well and every touch is almost enough to make them moan. </p><p>The day ends just as perfect as it began. Christen's head resting against Tobin's bare chest while nimble fingers run through her curly hair. </p><p>"I could get used to this." </p><p>"Me too."</p><p>"Goodnight Tobs thank you for tonight that's probably the best date I've ever been on."</p><p>"Night Chris, and for the record me too."</p><p>Every date after always ends up feeling like the best.</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. First I Love You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Firsts shared between Tobin Heath and Christen Press.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The first time the two say those three words comes from an accidental slip up in a resteraunt bathroom. </p><p> </p><p>Warning there’s a panic attack in this chapter so be wary.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first time Christen says "I love you" to Tobin is a complete accident. The first time Tobin says I love you to Christen is just the opposite.</p><p>Two months fly by for the couple; two wonderfully perfect months. Sure they bicker a little, but they always make sure to never go to bed angry with eachother. The culprit of these disagreements normally involves something to do with the distance between them. </p><p>Sometimes it's Tobin missing Christen a little extra and getting a bit jealous when she sees through her instagram feed that Christen's out having a great time without her. Sometimes it's Christen getting frustrated that Tobin occasionally forgets to call her when she specifically said she would.</p><p>It's not the healthiest thing to do, but most of the time it leads to some very intense phone sex. Of course they do discuss the fight right after finishing. </p><p>That habit apparently continues even when they're together. </p><p>For their two month anniversary Tobin flies in from Portland with a toothy smile glued to her face. After the week Christen had stayed with her they had only gotten the chance to see eachother one other time. So naturally Tobin really just wants her girlfriend all to herself for the night. </p><p>On the way to Christen's apartment Tobin finds herself stopped at a small flower shop wandering around trying to formulate a guess for what Christen's favorite would be.</p><p>There's bouquets littering the store, but none of them really have the correct vibe in Tobin's opinion. </p><p>'Chris may be a romantic, but I know she appreciates the small things more than the big ones. Maybe I should just ask the cashier lady for her help.'</p><p>She's on her way back when she spots baskets of single red roses on a rack. </p><p>'Perfect'</p><p>In her hand is one rose as she approaches the sweet looking old lady behind the cashier.</p><p>"How much for just one?" </p><p>"Oh dear don't worry about paying for that!" </p><p>Tobin begins to disagree but the woman cuts her off.</p><p>"I can see a love struck look when I see one. Helping you with your love is enough of a payment dear." </p><p>With how the old woman is smiling sweetly at her Tobin decides to just thank her and exit the store. </p><p>Fifteen minutes later she's in front of her favorite person's house with a suitcase by her side and a rose gripped in her hand. </p><p>Two knocks later and the door is flying open revealing a beaming Christen. Thin arms immediately throw themselves around Tobin's neck pulling her in. Tobin followed suit by resting her hands on Christen's lower back holding her tightly.</p><p>"Happy anniversary Tobs."</p><p>"Chris it's not technically our anniversary yet we still have like two hours until midnight." </p><p>"Well my present is already here so..."</p><p>Tobin doesn't answer instead bringing their lips together for a slow kiss. Christen doesn't think the feeling of kissing Tobin could ever get old. </p><p>"Let's go inside so I can give you an even better one. Oh and I got you a rose..." </p><p>In the excitement of seeing her girlfriend again Christen hadn't even noticed the red flower. She'd be lying if she said the gesture doesn’t give her a few butterflies.</p><p>"Babe I love it thank you. Let me go put this in a vase and then you can give me your other present."</p><p>Since they spend most of the night being busy Christen ends up promising to have a lowkey "recovery" day tomorrow, but also slips in that tney'll be going out for dinner</p><p>"Happy anniversary Chris." </p><p>"You too Tobin."</p><p>Moments later and both girls are drifting to sleep exhausted from earlier activities. </p><p>The bright light shining in from the windows is what wakes Christen up. Instinctively she goes to cuddle into Tobin only to find that the space next to her is empty. Her brain kicks on full power incredibly quickly.</p><p>'Oh my god Christen she left. You must've been awful last night if she ran away. What if she tells the whole national team I'm awful at sex? I could've sworn she had three orgasms, but maybe she faked it?'</p><p>The sound of her bedroom door opening drags her out of her thoughts and she lets out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding when Tobin walks in carrying a tray. </p><p>"Hey sleepyhead glad you're awake! I made us some breakfast sorry if it isn't the greatest. I'm a much better chef in my own kitchen." </p><p>"Toby you didn't have to make me breakfast in bed!" </p><p>Tobin shuffles over and places a kiss on Christen's nose while setting the tray down on her lap. </p><p>"Maybe I didn't have to but I want today to be special for you."</p><p>"You're the best Tobs." 'God I love you.' </p><p>Fortunately nothing spills when Tobin slides back into the bed and wraps an arm around Christen's waist. </p><p>Most of the food ends up being eaten by Tobin. The action wasn't intentional on Tobin's part, but when she playfully asked Christen to feed her she definitely wasn't about to tell her to stop when she actually did it. </p><p>"Tobs I cannot believe you just ate like all of my breakfast." </p><p>"Our breakfast babe."</p><p>Two hearts swell at how the word 'our' sounds when it's about them.</p><p>As Christen promised the day is spent cuddling up on the couch while Netflix plays quietly in the background.</p><p>It's almost nice enough to let Christen ditch their plans for the evening. </p><p>"Babe why can't we just stay here? I didn't come here for the food I came for you!" </p><p>"We have all day tomorrow to do nothing."</p><p>"But eachother!" </p><p>Tobin winks as she says it but ultimately gives in to the request to go out.</p><p>They choose to go to a small resteraunt downtown in hopes of not being recognized and thankfully it doesn't seem like anyone even notices them.</p><p>Everything is perfect until the waiter walks over to the table and his eyes rack up and down Christen's body. Bright blue eyes don't leave green the whole time he takes their order, and he even has the audacity to wink at her.</p><p>"I want a new waiter." </p><p>"Why?"</p><p>'Just like Christen to be clueless when someone's flirting with her' Tobin says in her head.</p><p>"Babe he was practically drooling over you. He didn't even look at me the whole time he was at our table!" </p><p>"Why is this an issue?" </p><p>"Because you were flirting too!" </p><p>Her statement is left up in the air when he comes back with their drinks in hand. </p><p>"Would you all like any wine with those as well? And feel free to order your food if you're ready."</p><p>Christen really doesn't know what makes her do it. It's stupid, childish, and flat out mean. </p><p>"Well what would a handsome guy like you recommend?" </p><p>The waiter smirks down at Christen who is completely ignoring the death glare Tobin is giving her.</p><p>"A person favorite of mine is the Merlot. I know it's expensive so it can be on the house for you..."</p><p>Tobin clears her throat and finally the interaction is over.</p><p>"I'll have the 8 ounce filet with broccoli please." </p><p>"Oh I'll have that too it!" </p><p>He flashed a bright smile and nods before walking towards the kitchen.</p><p>"Come to the bathroom with me." </p><p>The voice Tobin uses is low and raspy and it sounds jsut like the one over the phone before they...</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>"Christen, come to the bathroom with me."</p><p>Her full name coming out of Tobin's mouth like that is something she simply can't resist. In fact it's her that drags the jealous girl into the large stall at the end of the bathroom.</p><p>Normally warm brown eyes have turned dark and there's a certain look in them which tells Christen all she needs to know.</p><p>God sometimes she loves possessive Tobin.</p><p>Her back meets the cold marble wall and suddenly Tobin is everywhere. </p><p>Strong hands are running up her sides, a toned leg is slotted in between her own, and lips are lightly sucking her bottom one.</p><p>"You're mine Chris. No one else's. So no fucking flirting got it? Whenever some stupid tool is practicallly eye fucking you just remember that he could never make you feel half as good as I do."</p><p>"Please..."</p><p>"Please what Chris?" </p><p>"Show me that I'm yours." </p><p>Tobin drops to her knees and pulls on the elastic of Christen's underwear until they're in her palm. An idea comes to Tobin's mind and without thinking she's holding up Christen's underwear with a hungry look in her eyes. </p><p>"In your mouth baby, can't have anyone hearing you, and trust me you'll want to be loud."</p><p>"Fuck Tobin." </p><p>Christen has always been loud during sex. Sometimes it was a little forced and for the benefit of the other person, but never with Tobin. With Tobin sounds just came out without any ounce of control. This has never been a problem and definitely shouldn't be now with her own underwear stuffed into her mouth.</p><p>Tobin must have magic fingers. There's no other explanation for the way that everytime they curl just right Christen's jaw goes slack and she moans into the cloth in her mouth.</p><p>Tobin must also have a magic tongue because when she begins to lightly circle Christen's clit the latter's legs begin to shake. A sure sign of an impending orgasm.</p><p>In a flash two very important things happen. One, Christen falls over the edge and two, the underwear comes out of her mouth and well Christen is loudest during orgasm.</p><p>"Oh fuck Tobs! God I fuck-god I fucking love you oh my god don't stop!" </p><p>Post orgasm her body is normally limp from exhaustion, but this time all of it is tense. </p><p>'Oh my god I just said I love you.'</p><p>"Babe are you okay? You're all tense." </p><p>'Shit she's not even acknowledging it she's definitely weirded out.'</p><p>"Uh yeah fine Tobs. I'll uh tell that waiter dude that you're my girlfriend if he tries anything else."</p><p>"Okay... are you sure you're okay we can go home if you want?" </p><p>Any response Christen has gets caught in her throat so instead she just grabs Tobin's hand and leads them back to the table.</p><p>Dinner goes by in an uncomfortable silence that normally never plagues them. When the check along with the waiter comes Christen politely says that she'll be the gentlewoman tonight and pay for her girlfriend. The last part clearly catches the waiter off guard and he has to cough to maintain his composure. </p><p>On the way home green eyes never wander from the road, and finally Tobin has had enough.</p><p>"Thanks for paying tonight babe you didn't have to we could've split it." </p><p>"Don't worry about it Tobs."</p><p>The silence resumes and this time it feels like there's no ice breaker.</p><p>Once they pull into the driveway Tobin politely opens Christen's car door because after dinner she just has to prove she's more of the gentlewoman. Her action is rewarded with a quick kiss that has no real feeling behind it.</p><p>By now Tobin's really beginning to worry and she's starting to kind of understand how Christen probably feels during a small panic attack. </p><p>"I think maybe I should head home tomorrow."</p><p>That brings Christen out from whatever trance she was in and she's quick to disagree.</p><p>"No Tobin please stay I'm sorry." </p><p>"It just doesn't feel like you want me here right now and..."</p><p>Christen's anxiety is working hard against her right now. So much so that every word leaving Tobin's mouth doesn't seem like the truth, but rather an excuse to leave so she can avoid the whole love thing.</p><p>"Maybe I should just get a hotel."</p><p>"No Tobin! Just please stay here tonight and we can talk in the morning I promise." </p><p>"Okay but I'm gonna sleep in the guest room okay?" </p><p>That completely breaks Christen and she rushes into the bathroom before tears can escape. A part of her hopes that maybe Tobin will follow her. The other girl doesn't and instead grabs sweats and a t-shirt from her suitcase and heads to the guest room.</p><p>Tobin makes herself scarce as Christen goes through her night routine, and Christen miserably returns the favor. </p><p>Back in Christen's room the phone is ringing for the fifth time as she tries to call Kelley again. </p><p>Over the past couple of months she's gotten a lot better about not relying on her freckled best friend to calm her down whenever something goes wrong, but tonight feels like a much needed exception. Unfortunately for her a familiar voicemail is all she hears.</p><p>It's not uncommon for a minor inconvenience to be the thing that finally catapults Christen over the edge. The sound of the automated, "leave a message after the tone" is what does it now.</p><p>Any control she was holding onto is now gone along with her phone which has been thrown harshly into her mattress. </p><p>Sobs wrack through her while her whole body begins to shake. Her breathing becomes erratic causing her to panic even more. </p><p>She hadn't had an attack this bad in years. </p><p>Hundreds of awful thoughts are swarming her head all at once never staying for more than a second before disappearing and being replaced by an even worse one. </p><p>She tries focus on one thing which is staying quiet because god forbid Tobin finds her like this; face flushed and blotchy from all the crying. If her accidental confession hadn't been enough to scare Tobin off this definitely would be.</p><p>Hearing about anxiety attacks and seeing one are two entirely different things, and even though Tobin's hear about Christen's attacks a multitude of times she's never once been there for one. Luck is definitely not on her side tonight as her door creeks open. </p><p>"Hey Chris I..."</p><p>Concern fills her whole body as she sees the sight of her girlfriend.</p><p>"Chris b-baby"</p><p>Instead of calming the girl down this only upsets her more and she turns away towards her wall. Tobin carefully approaches and pauses before touching her trying to remember what Christen has said about her anxiety attacks.</p><p>"Hey is it okay if I touch you?" </p><p>Christen's arms wrap around Tobin's torso and her head buries itself into the tanned girls neck.</p><p>"I'm gonna talk for a minute and I want you to listen and not worry about saying anything okay? I'm not sure what happened tonight, but I definitely won't leave tomorrow. Being here with you even if things aren't easy is much better than being without you when things are easy. You mean the world to me, and don't worry tonight doesn't change that at all. I'm gonna sleep in here with you if you'll have me that is because I don't wanna waste anytime that I have with you."</p><p>The sound of Tobin's voice is like a very calming song to her ears and Christen begins to gain a little control over herself. </p><p>"I want you to try to breathe with me okay?"</p><p>She begins taking short but deep breaths since she figures Christen won't be able to handle long ones yet. Once Christen seems to master that Tobin moves to ones that last a few more seconds. </p><p>"You're doing so well Chris."</p><p>By now the crying has ceased along with the shaking. </p><p>"That's it Chris are you feeling any better?"</p><p>Raven hair bobs up and down signaling a nod.</p><p>"Do you want to sit down? Or we can stay like this whatever you want okay?" </p><p>They're moved to the bed where Christen lays her head on Tobin's chest while fingers draw patterns on her back.</p><p>"Don't leave tomorrow." </p><p>"Like I said, I won't." </p><p>"Just wanted to make sure you know that I don't want you too." </p><p>Both sign in contentment and begin to drift off.</p><p>"Chris?"</p><p>"Yeah?"</p><p>"I love you." </p><p>Their position shifts and Christen is now looking down at Tobin.</p><p>"You don't have to say that because of earlier you know."</p><p>"What are you talking about? I was gonna say that tonight anyway your attack didn't make me."</p><p>"Wait this isn't about the bathroom?"</p><p>Tobin chuckles a little before answering.</p><p>"I mean Chris I love doing that with you, but it didn't make me fall in love with you. Lots of other stuff did that."</p><p>"Oh my god!" </p><p>Christen's hand flies over her mouth at the realization.</p><p>"No Tobs in the bathroom when I came I accidentally said, well more like moaned that I loved you! You must've..."</p><p>"Not heard you. Is this why you were so off earlier?"</p><p>"I totally thought you were just ignoring it because you were weirded out."</p><p>Tobin brings their foreheads together and kisses Christen softly.</p><p>"I love you so much Christen Press."</p><p>"I love you more Tobin Heath."</p><p>The rest of their night is spent quietly bickering over who loves who more before drifting off to sleep feeling like the luckiest people in the world.</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. First Breakup</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Firsts shared between Tobin Heath and Christen Press.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The first time Christen and Tobin break up everything is wrong.</p><p> </p><p>TW: mention of suicide</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first, and only time, Christen and Tobin break up isn't because of fighting, but because Tobin deserves better. At least Christen's convinced she does.</p><p>Three weeks until their one year anniversary Tobin finds herself rushing home to call Christen after a very cryptic texts that simply says</p><p>'We need to talk.'</p><p>In her own experience this normally leads to a bad fight or a breakup. She reasons with herself that this wouldn't make sense because things have been perfect between them.</p><p>After their two month anniversary things were all smooth sailing. Both got used to being apart and were decent at keeping communication flowing no matter how busy they were. </p><p>Things were going so well in fact that they plan to spend all of off season together back in California with the Press family. </p><p>Tobin concludes that the text must just be about a complication with that. No way would Christen break up with her.</p><p>"Tobin I think we should breakup."</p><p>It's immediately blurted after Christen answers Tobin's call. </p><p>Tobin feels the words travel through her whole body. The words tumble around in her brain leaving her dizzy. Then travel to her throat where they block any response she could muster. Into her chest that's beating rapidly and beginning to burn with a familial ache. Down to her stomach that feels like it's just been hit by a soccer ball punted straight into her gut. Finally to her legs that are trembling as she tries to keep herself up.</p><p>"What?"</p><p>That isn't what she wants to say, but it's all she can force out of herself right now.</p><p>"This isn't working Tobs I..."</p><p>"What are you talking about Chris? Things are and have been perfect! We're about to go spend months with y-your parents!" </p><p>Her normally chilled voice breaks at the end. Something that always happens when she begins to cry; something that hasn't happened in almost two years. </p><p>"Tobin please don't cry I'm not trying to make you upset." </p><p>"Christen you're dumping me over the f-fucking phone! How am I not mean to cry? And of course I'm gonna be fucking upset I l-love you!"</p><p>Another thing Tobin does while crying is curse a lot.</p><p>""I'm so sorry Tobs I don't know what to say." </p><p>"Don't call me that."</p><p>The voice that comes out doesn't sound anything like her. There's ice in ever syllable of all four words. </p><p>"W-what?"</p><p>"I said don't fucking call me that Christen!" </p><p>Tobin's never once used this tone on Christen before. Not even during their worst fights. Her voice has always remained calm even when she feels the opposite.</p><p>"Tobin"</p><p>What sounds like a cry comes from the other end of the phone and just like that Tobin loses all bite.</p><p>"Why are you doing this to me Chris? Do you not love me?"</p><p>"I do so much Tobin, but I just can't be with you anymore. I can't tell you why because you'd just want to fix it and this isn't something that can be fixed." </p><p>"Christen we can fix anything if we just work together. If you love me and I love you we can get through whatever this is." </p><p>The line goes dead and so does Tobin.</p><p>The following three months are spent in pure agony.</p><p>For the first two weeks Tobin is absolutely inconsolable. When Emily and Lindsey show up at Tobin's apartment on the first day they arent expecting what they find. </p><p>Bundled up on the couch is Tobin who is sporting extreme dark circles and bright red eyes. On the floor surrounding her are broken glass shards from what they assume were plates and mugs.</p><p>The blondes are speechless and Tobin wont even look at them. Her gaze remaining rooted on the black tv screen across from them. </p><p>Emily nudges Lindsey who then cautiously asks Tobin what happened. Instead of giving a response all the brunette does is eerily turn to them and begin to cry. </p><p>While the shorter of the two freezes Lindsey quickly sits on the couch and wraps her arms around her friend and mentor. Emily soon follows suit and begins to softly whisper that it'll be okay.</p><p>Sometime later Tobin is lulled to sleep and Emily takes the opportunity to call Kelley to ask what the fuck happened. </p><p>She nearly drops the phone when Kelley tells her that Christen dumped Tobin the night before. </p><p>From the sounds of it Kelley is just about as clueless about it as they are; the knowledge that they broke up being all she has to offer.</p><p>Days go by and things don't get better.</p><p>Emily, Lindsey, and Allie take shifts being at the apartment with their friend never letting her be alone unless they have to leave for practice.</p><p>Practices that Tobin hasn't been attending on the premise of there being some emergency with her family. </p><p>She isn't eating. Not unless being forced to by one of her friends. She doesn't leave the couch unless it's to shower or go to the bathroom. Worst of all she doesn't speak.</p><p>Not when her phone rings over and over, not when one of her friends asks what she wants, not when she's gasping for air while crying, and definitely not when anyone utters the name Christen. </p><p>No one knows quite what to do about the whole situation. It's not like anyone can force Tobin to do anything she doesn't want to. They don't want to push it either; too scared of what would happen if they go too far.</p><p>Allie is the one who ends up causing a change. </p><p>On the fifth day she tells Emily and Lindsey that she thinks Tobin needs to be put on suicide watch. Despite hating the idea of it they agree, but only if Tobin doesn't put up a fight. </p><p>When they tell Tobin it's the first time she speaks. </p><p>"No"</p><p>All three of them let out a sigh of relief at the sound of their friends voice.  </p><p>Tobin begins coming to practice again, but still barely eats or speaks. Only eating when forced to and only speaking when directly promoted to. </p><p>It's not the biggest change but it's something her friends can work with, and they do. </p><p>By the 14 day mark Tobin is still not herself, but at least she has a healthy eating schedual and is beginning to be herself again.</p><p>Healing only gets easier from there. Everything still reminds Tobin of Christen, but it’s more bareable. The mug Christen used no longer makes her cry everytime she sees it and she’s begun to let herself drift to the side of the bed that used to be reserved for the other girl.</p><p>Then all of a sudden Chicago is playing Portland for a pre season match and Tobin feels like she can’t breathe. </p><p>It’s not like they haven’t seen eachother since the breakup. It’s just that it’s been at camp where there’s barely enough free time to chat with anyone who isn’t your roommate. Also there’s no unspoken expectation that they’ll all go out to a bar together.<br/>
For NWSL games it’s essentially a tradition that you can’t get out of no matter how good the reason is.</p><p>When game day comes Tobin’s just as unprepared as she was the day she found out about the whole thing.  </p><p>Portland and Chicago line up next to eachother and of course Tobin ends up next to Christen who tries to say hi. Maybe it’s rude of her but Tobin pretends to not hear it and sticks to looking at the ground below her.</p><p>As if to prove she’s doing just fine Tobin scores a hat trick that leaves everyone in the stadium in awe. </p><p>The first one comes directly off a corner that she sends into the top left of the net. Christen had taught her to bend it like that.</p><p>The second comes from a brilliant header in the box. She’d worked for hours on headers with Christen.</p><p>The third comes from a well placed one touch off of a deflection from Chicago’s keeper. A one touch perfected in summer during Toca trainings that Christen joined her for.</p><p>Everything about the game at hand just screams Christen and by halftime Tobin needs to leave.</p><p>She doesn’t notice she’s crying until Mark pulls her aside and tells her she’s done for the night and to go shower. With a promise of having a talk later to check in.</p><p>Anger doesn’t consume her once she’s alone. Instead it’s an overwhelming feeling of loneliness. The weight it brings to her shoulders feels crippling. As if there’s hundreds of pounds weighing on her and no one can help her.</p><p>Maybe she doesn’t want anyone to help her. Maybe she just wants Christen to make it all magically disappear like she could if she would’ve stayed. </p><p>No one has ever understood her the way Christen had despite how different they were. Not even her family got her as much as Christen did and anyone who knows her knows how close she is with all of her family.</p><p>Her love for her family was something Christen openly admired about her. She used to say it made her excited for their future. A future that seems utterly impossible now.</p><p> Before long the game comes to a close with a the score of 3-0 and of course the teams are going out.</p><p>Tobin tries to use talking to Mark as an excuse to get out of it, but sweet naive Kling offers to wait for her giving her no logically way out.</p><p>The meeting with Mark doesn’t take as long as Tobin hoped it would. All her had to say was that he was there to talk if she ever needed and that she played one helluva game tonight.</p><p>Fortunately no one except Lindsey notices the two as they arrive fashionably late to the cramped bar. Lindsey quickly ushers them to a booth in the back corner where Emily and Hayley Raso are in the middle of arm wrestling.</p><p>Hayley is no match for Emily who quickly pins the Australian’s hand to the table. Hayley let’s out a frustrated grunt and demands someone go get drinks because she’s too sober to be dealing with a cocky Sonnett. </p><p>Wanting to get away from the small crowd Tobin volunteers herself to go to the bar and grab five beers. </p><p>Everything is going well until Tobin inhales and an all too familiar scent fills her. When she turns around drinks in hand she’s face to face with the woman that completely shattered her heart months ago. </p><p>“Uh hey Christen I didn’t know you came.” </p><p>That’s a lie Tobin had immediately scouted the room when she first entered and had seen Christen whispering something to Allie.</p><p>“You know I always come to these.”</p><p>“Actually I don’t think I know much about you at all.” </p><p>No one said she had to be nice to Christen if she happened to see her.</p><p>“Tobin”</p><p>“Christen”</p><p>“I miss my best friend.” </p><p>“I miss my girlfriend.” </p><p>A heavy silence fills the air and when Christen doesn’t say anything it’s all Tobin needs to know.</p><p>“That’s what I thought; bye Christen.” </p><p>She begins to walk away but is quickly pulled back so she’s just centimeters away from the thing that’s caused her so much pain.</p><p>“Tobin I’m sorry.”</p><p>“That doesn’t mean anymore now than it did the last time you said it.”</p><p>“I miss you Tobs.”</p><p>That sparks the same anger in Tobin that was there on the day the broke up.</p><p>“No Chris you don’t just get to say that. Not after everything I’ve been through in the past three fucking months. Not after I couldn’t fucking speak or eat for three whole weeks. Not after Allie got so worried she wanted me put me on fucking suicide watch. Maybe that’s bad to tell you but I don’t care. You messed me up Christen and I never even got to know why.”</p><p>By the look of horror on her face Tobin knew Christen hadn’t anticipated any of that.</p><p>“I thought I was doing the right thing by breaking up with you.” </p><p>“Evidently you didn’t and what do you mean?”</p><p>“I thought you’d be better off without me. I thought that you deserved much better than what I could give you. Tobin you deserve someone who doesn’t second guess everything all the time and doesn’t breakdown over the smallest of things.”</p><p>Christen was right Tobin would’ve tried to fix it if she’d known about it.</p><p>“That’s not what I want Christen all I want is you. I still love you so fucking much and I can’t for the life of me explain it but I do.”</p><p>“There isn’t a day that’s gone by where I haven’t regretted it you know. I’d never been as happy as I was with you and I that scared me. You’ll never know how sorry I am.” </p><p>Her admission prompts a question that Tobin needs an answer to.</p><p>“What do you want Chris? Because all I want is you and I can’t do this if you’re going to back out again.”</p><p>“Ideally to go back and slap myself in the face before I could call you, but I want you Tobs.” </p><p>“Come back to my apartment tonight.” </p><p>Christen nods and Tobin grabs her by the hand and pulls her out of the bar; the drinks promptly forgotten. </p><p>Much later Tobin lays in bed next to Christen tracing the shape of her face with her eyes. She doesn’t think there’s anything as beautiful as the way Christen’s curled hair perfect frames her honey colored face. </p><p>Not every issue is solved, but enough are to where they feel as if they can give their relationship another go.</p><p>For the first time in months Tobin feels like everything is exactly the way it should be, and she doesn’t know it yet but that feeling will never fully leave again.</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. First Home</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Firsts shared between Tobin Heath and Christen Press.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The first time Christen and Tobin decide they want a home.</p><p>This definitely is not my best work, but I just needed to get though this chapter.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first time Tobin and Christen decide to buy a home together happens on a rainy day in Portland Oregon.</p><p>Off-seasons have been great to Tobin and Christen for the three years they've been together. Most days are spent exploring the booming city around them while nights are spent lounged in Tobin's simplistic downtown apartment. It's given them a taste of what the future could be, and neither had any complaints about the way their routines and habits mixed. </p><p>As a matter of fact everyday leads to Christen wanting the future to come quicker. Sure she loves Portland and Tobin's apartment, but it's not theirs it's just Tobin's. Christen wants something that belongs to the both of them. A place they can decorate together; somewhere where they'd only go together.</p><p>At first she tries dropping subtle hints which are clearly far too subtle for Tobin. Any hint she drops Tobin just responds to as nonchalantly as she always does Christen adores everything about her, but in times like these she wishes her girlfriend paid a little more attention.</p><p>Deciding she needs to be a little more direct, Christen begins to bring up the future in conversations more frequently. It's something she's always been nervous to do since Tobins not really a planner, but per usual Tobin is full of surprises.</p><p>In ever conversation there were never any "if's" instead there were "when's". Hearing the other girl seem so sure about them made her heart swell. </p><p>On what's probably the fifth or sixth future talk Christen relunctantly shares her thoughts.</p><p>"Have you thought about getting a house?" </p><p>"Huh?"</p><p>"I mean us getting a house, together." </p><p>"Oh yeah of course! I haven't really thought about details and stuff since I figured maybe you weren't..."</p><p>Tobin begins trailing off and scratching the back of her neck.</p><p>"Maybe I wasn't what?" </p><p>"Ready? Or thinking about stuff like that in general?" </p><p>"Babe I've been thinking about stuff like that for a lot longer than i'd like to admit. As for being ready i'm super duper ready." </p><p>"How ready is super duper ready?" </p><p>"Like let's start looking at houses ready." </p><p>Location is the first thing on their list of things to choose. Tobin really only has three necessities; a beach for surfing, near or in a big city, and places to longboard. Christen has a few more but the main is close to family. Only one place matches all their criteria and that is Los Angeles, California.</p><p>"Babe when will we even look at houses in LA?"</p><p>"Tobs it's literally off-season we have everyday to do whatever we want. We can just stay with my parents you know they love it when we visit." </p><p>The very next day they're in first class on a flight to good old LA. All Christen had told her parents was that Tobin missed her grill buddy, Cody, and that they needed a place to crash in LA for the next week or two. </p><p>For seemingly no reason in particular Tobin wants to keep their house hunting a secret from everyone. While Christen is pretty much fine with that as the plane gets closer to their destination she can feel her anxiety rising. </p><p>'What if she is keeping it a secret because she's embarrassed of me? I mean shouldn't she be prouder that we are taking the next step? Maybe she isnt serious about us.'</p><p>"You're thinking too loud Chris." </p><p>Since Christen's big anxiety attack Tobin has been trying to learn how to be better at calming her girlfriend down. </p><p>Christen doesn't reply to Tobin's statement which prompts the other girl to take her hand and rub gentle circles on her hand. </p><p>"I love you Chris there's nothing to be worried about. I can't wait to have a house with you. It's something I've been dreaming about for what feels like forever. I'm positive that this is the right thing to do for us, and I'm really hoping it's a step towards what I really want."</p><p>Just like that every worry in Christen's head washes away.</p><p>"And what is it that you want Tobs?" </p><p>"To marry you duh." </p><p>A smile makes its way onto both their faces after the admission. Marriage isn't something they've actually ever talked about much. Of course they both thought about it, a lot, but the word hasn't ever been brought up.</p><p>"You really want that?"</p><p>"Of course Chris I don't think I've ever wanted anything more. I wanna live life with you for as long as I live." </p><p>Christen surges forward and connects their lips together for a kiss that's far more softer than what they're used to. </p><p>"I couldn't think of anything better than marrying you Tobin Powell Heath."</p><p>"Good to know Christen Press. Just to be clear you have to let me propose though or else Kelley won't ever let me hear the end of it." </p><p>"Anything for you, but we should probably stop being this close to eachother I think the people across from us are weirded out." </p><p>Tobin shifts back and raising her arm<br/>signaling for Christen to come lay on her. The arm rests are quickly get lifted up and a head of curly hair rests itself on Tobin's chest.</p><p>"Love you Chris."</p><p>"Love you more Tobs."</p><p>The remaining half hour goes by in a flash and before they know it they're on the Press's front door getting squeezed to death by Stacy.</p><p>They all three make their way to the kitchen which Christen notes smells exactly like Tobin's favorite dish. </p><p>"So girls as much as I love you two what are you doing here?"</p><p>Tobin answers before Christen has the chance to.</p><p>"We really just missed you guys and you know me I gotta see my grill buddy. Speaking of where is Big Daddy?" </p><p>Both Christen and Stacy laugh at the use of 'Big Daddy'. </p><p>"Big Daddy is out back totally unaware that you guys arrived. You should go say hi Tobin I know he'll be happy to see you." </p><p>Tobin gives Christen a questioning silently asking whether that's cool with her and Christen nods her head in reply. </p><p>"Alright I'll see you two in a bit." </p><p>She chastely plants a kiss on Christen's cheek and jogs out towards the backyard.</p><p>"Okay honey I love Tobin but she is an awful liar. Which is a good thing for you, but not for whatever it is you two are hiding." </p><p>"Mom we aren't..."</p><p>"You're no good either so don't try it." </p><p>"We're actually looking for a house out here. Both of us want somewhere to live together during off-season and LA seems like the best place." </p><p>"Oh honey that's amazing! What are you looking for?" </p><p>The conversation goes smoothly from there with Stacy reacting enthusiastically to any detail her daughter provides. </p><p>"So have you two talked about marriage? I know moving in together doesn't go hand in hand with that, but with you and her it definitely means you're heading in that direction." </p><p>"We didn't until today on the plane. She said that she wants to and that she wants to be the one to propose. Obviously she didn't say when or anything but she really wants that mom."</p><p>"That's wonderful baby! How do you feel about all that?"</p><p>"I couldn't be happier mom, she's everything that I've ever wanted and more. I don't think I could ever love someone more than I love her."</p><p>When Christen glances at her mom again she sees tears running down her cheeks.</p><p>"Mom what's wrong?" </p><p>"My baby is just growing up that's all. I'm so glad you found someone who loves you just as much as your dad and I do. I couldn't ask for anyone better to love you." </p><p>The Press ladies stand in the kitchen embracing until Cody and Tobin come walking in laughing about some story Cody was telling.</p><p>"Uh sorry should we leave?"</p><p>"No! Sorry I'm just emotional! Dinner is almost ready can you two set the table?" </p><p>Dinner, as always, goes great and Tobin fits in seamlessly with the Press pack. No one knows it but this assures Christen that she's making the right choice about being with Tobin. </p><p>The following morning the couple head out for a day of house hunting. </p><p>Five houses later they find one that feels right. The location is right on Hermosa beach so it would be about a five minute walk to get there which Tobin loves. The house itself is a two story white house with a deck on the second story above a porch area that's to the side of the front door. Inside there's three modernized bedrooms and bathrooms and a large kitchen that would be perfect for hosting guests. </p><p>There's none of that historical charm that Christen loves, but she falls in love with the house anyway. Tobin didn't need much convincing anyway, but once she sees her girlfriend loves it she's sold on the idea that this house is meant to be theirs.</p><p>Cody and Stacy are wary and suggest they look around more, but Tobin and Christen are both adamant that this is the house for them. </p><p>Two days later Tobin puts down an offer on the house that's close enough to the original asking price that it should be approved. The owner doesn't keep them waiting long and their offer is accepted. </p><p>That night Tyler and Channing join them for the celebratory dinner which involves a lot of wining and dining. </p><p>When Christens occupied with cleaning up Stacy pulls Tobin into the living room on the premise of having a quick chat.</p><p>"My daughter loves you a lot Tobin."</p><p>"I know Mrs. Press and..." </p><p>"Let me finish and you know by now to call me Stacy. My daughter loves you a lot and I can tell that you love her too. I'll admit when you two first got together I was nervous. Christen's never been the greatest about dealing with things that aren't set in stone and you Tobin Heath are the opposite of that. But if there's one thing you are set in stone about it's loving my daughter and anyone can see that. I just wanted to tell you that both Cody and I love you and are in full support of you and our daughter's future together. That is as long as you don't mess up big time which I know you won't." </p><p>Tobin certainly wasn't expecting all of that when Stacy asked to talk. She was expecting a little don't break our daughter's heart, but this was something else.</p><p>"Stacy thank you so much. I've honestly considered you, Cody, Channing, and Tyler family for a while, and I have every intention on making that official. This may not make sense to you Stacy but soccer was always my number one love. That changed when Chris and I began dating. Suddenly I cared much much more about when I would see her again rather than how to prepare for the next game. At first it was scary since nothing has ever beaten soccer, but pretty quickly I decided to dedicate myself to Christen just like I've dedicated myself to soccer and well you see how that turned out.”</p><p>Stacy pulls Tobin in for a tight hug and thanks her for loving her daughter. Tobin thinks she’s the one who should be thanking Stacy for making Christen but she’ll keep that to herself. </p><p>After that night Tobin and Christen busy themselves with getting the house ready to move into. There’s a lot of shopping involved but neither of them complain because they’re just happy to be doing it together. A month later all their work pays off and the house is move in ready. </p><p>Neither admit it but they’re pretty nervous for their first night in the house. It feels like the beginning of a new chapter, and who wants a bad beginning?</p><p>Since they don’t have groceries yet they elect to order some Chinese takeout and just watch a movie on the huge tv Tobin insisted on buying. </p><p>By the end of the movie neither Christen nor Tobin are paying any attention and are caught up in eachothers lips.</p><p>Tonight both girls want to be slow and enjoy the feeling of connecting in the house that’s theirs. </p><p>The night doesn’t end up being romantic, other than the sex, but it feels perfect to them. The once empty house now feels like a home.</p>
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